


All our dreams came true. We just didn't think them through and now, i'm on my own.

by soulhead



Series: Footage de gueule [6]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:52:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18287291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulhead/pseuds/soulhead
Summary: The rare times Julian doesn't rely on the PASIV to artificially share dreams with Presnel, his mind creates an intricate haven : a place made just for them, a home where they are free to be Julian and Presnel. Unfortunately, reality always comes back to him with a vengeance.





	All our dreams came true. We just didn't think them through and now, i'm on my own.

**Author's Note:**

> This OS is based around the concept of the PASIV (Portable Automated Somnacin IntraVenous), a device used in the movie Inception that enable people to create and control their own dream. All the other aspects of the film like the difficulty of differentiating between life and dream or the necessity to have one single person in charge of designing the dreams aren't relevant.  
> *** => signify a change of time.

Now that he thought about it, maybe that attending the 2017 NBA championship finale with Julian wasn’t exactly his best idea to spend a relaxing evening together. The public was too loud to hold a long discussion, the heat a little to intense and the queue to get popcorns a little too long for his liking. At this rate, Presnel was sure he was missing some of the most exciting actions that characterized this game. Finally, his popcorn cup in hand, he walked back to their seats, already bracing himself for the frown on Julian’s face he would inevitably see.

Instead, as he was approaching him, Julian’s face wore the smile he loved so much, the one that featured in all of his favorite memories.

“So, did I miss anything ?” he asked as he watched Julian obviously engrossed in the game.

“Yeah Lebron has been booked for a foul on Durant ! Now the Golden State Warriors are leading 68-52! It's even more awesome than what I remember! Better than all the tv replay I could find ! “

“Oh yeah ? Didn't know I had such a basketball enthusiast talking to me!” Presnel raised an eyebrow in a mocking tone, already settling himself back to his seat next to Julian.

“Shut up !” Julian exclaimed as he playfully bated his left shoulder.

“I’m joking Jule, I’m glad you seems to enjoy my gift ! “

Finally breaking his stare from the game, Julian's attention was now aimed at him and Presnel swears an eternity wouldn't be sufficient to describe every wonders that he observed on his lover's face at this moment.

“I do ! Now give me those popcorns and let me concentrate on the game ! “ he said as he already had plunged his hand in the popcorn cup.

And for the next few minutes, that’s exactly what Presnel did. He tried to get into the game, watching the legends before him replaying one of the greatest finale they had against each other...but it was to no avail, his whole body seemed to tune into how close he was sat to Julian, how their thighs were brushing against one another, how his own skin seemed to burn to be in more close contact with him. Yearning to give in to this part of him, Presnel nested his head into the crook of Julian’s neck before exhaling deeply, the score of the ongoing match long forgotten.

As Julian’s left arm threw itself around his neck and his fingers started lightly grazing Presnel's cheek, he had the feeling he wasn’t the only one who stopped to pay attention to what was happening in the match before them. As the buzzer sound marked the end of the match and everybody erupts into applause, neither move a muscle.

Around them, no one will bats an eye at their disinterested behavior, they aren’t programmed to.

***

« …inal de France Inter, c’est désormais officiel l’assemblée du parlement a enterré cette nuit après de houleux débats un amendement visant à rendre l’usage des Dispositif d'injection intraveneux de Somnacin, autrement plus connu sous le nom de PASIV, accessible à tous et sans supervision d’un professionel de la san… »

Presnel comes up to the world to the soft murmur of his radio and the mechanical whirring of their PASIV.

His eyes covered by his arm, he feels his bed shifting under the weight of his slowly waking partner.

“Shhh babe, just 5 more minutes...” Presnel mumbles before relishing the last memories of the dream they shared by taking refuge into Julian's warmth. He's not ready to face off the world, not just yet.

And as sleep seems to stubbornly escape him and the fog in his mind progressively disappear, he can't stop himself from thinking about how this morning is a far cry from the ones they used to share.

He remembers a time when once training was over, they used to stay behind in the locker room to enjoy each other’s presence a little bit more, sometime they went to clubs or just stayed over at each other's houses. They weren’t always those apathetic beings, directly going to one of their house to use the PASIV and immediately starting to dream. To build dreams together with the help of the PASIV used to be an unaltered source of joy, of excitement that only made their own real life even more complete... Yet, those last few months, it just seems like it’s their sole source of happiness.

Most importantly, waking up wasn’t always so difficult.

They used to rise from their dreams, unable to stop the giggles coming out of their mouth, still reeling for the experience they lived together. The PASIV was a fuel they ran on to magnify their life.

Those days seems now over and it feels like they barely existed at all.

***

It began innocently, but he supposes all events that will inevitably lead to one's downfall do.

The PSG, ever trying to secure it’s place among the most influent football club, introduces them all to the PASIV. It’s the first time this military grade technology is used for professional athletes, except for a small inconclusive experiment that was conducted by the Tottenham Hotpsurs club committee and was discontinued months ago.

As he absentmindedly listens to the medical team instructions and explanations, he takes his time to look at his teammate's various reactions. Most seems truly perplexed, the only exceptions being Kylian, truthful to himself, with his ever-unimpressed expression and Julian...

 _Julian looks stunning._ Fascination paints his face and his eyes shine with a glee that lightens up his face and make him look years younger than he is. This is the Julian he restlessly tries to bring out of his shell since he has taken him under his wings after he arrived 6 months ago in the club. The one ready to follow him in his antics without asking questions. To be honest, the gleam shining in Julian's almond shaped eyes whenever he did something childish only encouraged Presnel to carry on.

They are paired by two and are given a simple scenario to dream of : they will have to replay last week game against Olympic Lyonnais and try to correct every tactical mistakes they did.

This exercise they say, will allow their brain to work better one with another. By redoing and redoing the match, different version of the same game while being linked via the PASIV, they’ll learn about each other better than in any training. The staff tells them it'll help them secure a strong defense to midfield connection faster.

If someone ask Presnel, he would just tell you that if it allows them to avoid having to go through another insufferably long video of themselves playing and hearing their every flaws being exposed and narrated by Emery, he'll gladly be the test subject of any kind of sci-fi equipment.

But if has to go through that, he'll be damned if Julian’s won’t be right by his side.

***

They were being laid down on medical bed surrounded by their staff one second and the following moment Julian's running alongside him, eyes wide and burning with giddiness as they both watch their match against the Olympique Lyonnais unfold in front of them, once again.

It’s surreal. To have complete control over this event, to relive it. It’s a lucid dream like he never thought he could experience before. As they both regain their professionalism and burries themselves with the given task, Presnel can't help but notice how time flies with no regularity in his dream. It sometime feels like it takes them days to cross past the defense of their adversaries and seconds after, 45 minutes had already passed. Everything and nothing happens simultaneously and he's lost tack of how many times they played over and over the same game until he watches puzzled, as Alphonse gives Julian his gloves.

“Julian ? What are you doing in Alphonse’s cage ? “

“Well so far we haven’t managed to stop conceding and we tried every different combination possible, so I'm taking his place to see what’s wrong with our defense ! “ said Julian, a mischievous gleam shining in his eyes.

“Are you crazy ! We’re not allowed to do that ! “

“Says who ? Come on, our job is to figure this match out, no better way to achieve that than by changing our perspective a little bit ! Emery's been nagging us about how we need to be more creative, so we're gonna show him creativity !“. To accompany his words, Julian started making grand gesture energetically at Thiago, seemingly asking him to change his position.

When he suddenly comes back to real life, the first thing he sees is Julian's mesmerizing stare directed at him.

A fleeting thought cross his mind : there's not a single thing he wouldn't do to always see this glint shine in the eyes of his friend.

***

Months pass and they subject themselves to monthly sessions under the PASIV.

The novelty of the experience never seems to grow old. Yet, many of his teammates have already asked to stop this experiment, they say controlling their dreams takes too much efforts, they claim they would much prefer to run ten laps than losing their time in the PASIV. Marquinhos even compares using the PASIV to running through a tornado.

Presnel agrees, but instead of running away of it, he only ever want to feel the full force of this whirlwind and to lose himself in it.

Or maybe it's just dreaming with Julian that makes him feel like that ?

***

It’s September 19th and Presnel has done something he’s incredibly proud of, maybe even a little too smug about. His Julian, his babe has been part of his life for almost 8 months now, but the dreams they share monthly always give him the impression they've never spent a day in their life without knowing each other.

It's almost natural for him to go all out for his best friend's birthday. If there's one thing he's proud of beside the quality of his football game, it's his ability to love wholeheartedly the people he's close to. He doesn't shy away, he doesn't second-guess himself : he just loves.

Besides, it's not like he directly did anything reprehensible. He simply suggested one of the assistant manager to wait the 27th of September to deliver to the medical bay the additional PASIV that was ordered. It's a pure coincidence really, if the same day the same assistant manager receive a generous donation to help him in his project to open his own private physiotherapist clinic.

He and Julian will have the PASIV all for themselves for a whole evening and they'll return it back just in time before anybody notice anything.

And so, in the privacy of their hotel room, locked away from the living world they dream together. Tonight, they'll say their goodbyes to the dreary weather of Paris and they'll discover the Carnival of Rio. He's seen the envious glint in Julian's eyes when Marquinhos talked about it a few weeks ago and there's no doubts that Julian will love this surprise. He had it all planned for days, watched hours of footage, documentaries about this event. His mind goes crazy with the things they'll let themselves do without supervision and without any guidelines. Will they make the carnival floats comes to life ? Will they spend their night dancing among the parade ? The possibilities are endless and their time in the dream too.

Yet, of this one blessed evening, all he can remember is them walking the long of an endless beach, made desert by their will and where only the sound of the ocean's wave lull their soft conversations, the tepidity of the Carnival behind them. He recalls a night that never ends, warm as only a summer evening can be and as he always feel when surrounded by Julian's presence and attention.

He never gives back the PASIV to the assistant manager.

***

After that, it become a sport for him. Who will impress the other more with their dreams ? Where will they end up this evening ? Will they bath in the sun of the Maldives ? Will they climb the Himalaya ? Or will they have a more creative use of the PASIV and try to escape being hunted by gorgoil In medieval France ?

He never knows until they decide moments before going under.

But it’s not important, because no matter where, no matter when : he’s always having the time of his life alongside his babe and he never could have asked for more.

***

Tonight, they dream of turquoise water and endless horizon as they navigate the great seas of the pacific on the carack they made their own.

He's busy steering the wheel of their ship when, from the corner of his eyes, he notices a gigantic waves approaching them. He braces himself for the inevitable water that will invade his bridge and closes his eyes but nothing ever splash him. Around him, the tumult of the water has stopped. In fact, as he opens his eyes, all he sees is a formless blackness that surround him and Julian.

“Holy shit Julian, did you do that ?”

“Yes ?” murmured Julian, looking down to his own feet.

“But I was just about to bring us to the port !”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted the dream to stop for a second, I didn’t want to stop it like that but...it’s good there too. More calm. We...It's a bit abrupt, I know but it has been in my mind for a long time and I think we really need to set rules.”. If his nervous demeanor escaped Presnel’s attention before, there was no denying that now Julian was facing an inner turmoil, his brows furrowed and his stare resolutely stuck into the ground.

 “Ru...what ? Come on babe I’m sorry for destroying your own boat earlier I swear I didn't see we were steering in the same dir...”

 “It’s not about that ! Rules about how we use the PASIV ! Like...I don’t know like how we should only use the PASIV maybe like twice a week ?” Julian’s tone had adopted an urgentness, like he was afraid that if he didn’t said what was on his mind now, he’ll never have another occasion to say it again.

“Are you serious ? Where does that come from ?” dubiously asked Presnel.

“I’m...It’s taking lot from me to dream with the PASIV almost every night. I need a break. It’s too much, all those things we do.. I...”

Shaking his head in an incredulous way, Presnel shrugged and as he prepared to deepen this discussion, everything faded to black, once again.

***

Presnel wakes up in cold sweat after this dream. Julian’s not by his bedside anymore, but as he let his finger runs over the fabric of his mattress, it still bears the faint warm of his presence.

He doesn’t understand but he isn’t surprised. In typical Julian's fashion, something has been bugging him for quite a while and he hasn’t said anything about it until he exploded.

When he gets down to the hotel’s cantina they are staying in before their away-match, his best friend avoid contact with him altogether.

At the training session, Julian and him play a strange game of hide and seek, Julian meticulously trying to avoid meeting his stare.

This goes on for the whole day. Presnel ends up tired of giving him his space and does something he’s not very proud of : he corners him at the locker room, as his babe is drying and combing his hair.

“You wanna give me an explanation one of those days or am I gonna have to assume this all come from nowhere ?»

It seemed to be the wrong thing to say as Julian's expression hardened in a way it rarely ever did to Presnel's direction.

“I’m...All we ever do those days is dreaming. It’s all I do ! I dream with you and the PASIV, then the morning come and I spend the day wondering about a new dream we could build. It's all too much !”

“I'm sorry Julian I didn't know you were feeling like this...You never told me you felt like the others about using the PASIV !”

“No, it's not like that it's not the PASIV !” he interrupted himself “Don't you feel it too ? “ said Julian reaching to touch his forearm, running his finger up and down, almost as if this gesture would encourage him to speak his mind.

“No I don't ?!”

Silence surrounds them and time pass slow and fast like time flows in dream, before one of them find words to carry on this discussion.

“Can we enforce the rule ? Please, I’m not asking to stop using the PASIV, I just want to cut it back a little bit..” uttered in a almost broken tone his Julian.

“Yes sure babe anything, but you need to talk to me about this kind of stuff, you shouldn't let it go into your head like that !” Julian lowered his glaze to the ground almost defeated and their row was over, like it never happened.

***

It's only three days later that they use the PASIV once again. This evening, instead of dreaming of impossible adventures, Julian makes them dream about his hometown.

Presnel's not sure to understand the true intent of this dream. It feels so personal that it leaves the taste of a confession on his tongue. Yet, all his mind can focus on is the rich color of autumn decorating the trees around them. Golden leaves fly around them and the small empty playground they found during their promenade. Everything else appears to be frozen in time and they seems to be too, balancing themselves on two swing-sets.

As a soft wind muffles his fears and doubts, Presnel decides that this is the perfect moment to destroy the last remaining wall that stands between them.

Here, in their shared dreams, away from the tumult of their real life, Presnel lips caress Juilan's. As he deepens their kiss, a conviction seize his mind : sadness will never wash over him anymore. A part of him will always reside here, in this dream they created, right by Julian's side.

***

Afterwards, Presnel suggest that they put up a schedule to monitor their use of the PASIV. One session after their match of the end of the week and one every Wednesday.. It should help calm whatever storm that seems to rack Julian's nerves.  
  
It doesn’t.  
  
The problem lies elsewhere, in a place where Presnel doesn't want to look.  
  
And to avoid doing that, Presnel prefers to focus on Julian’s smile and he decide to kiss him again, this time when they are both wide awake.

  
***

  
Their relationship naturally take a different road after this dream..Yet, calling Julian his boyfriend feels too frightening. Julian isn’t just a friend anymore, he actually never was. He‘s frightened that if he or Julian spoke those words out loud they’ll break the bubble they created for themselves.Besides, he has other things to think about : after their discussion, it’s an unspoken agreement between them that they should leave behind their extra fantasist dream where too much happens at once.

Instead of those, they dream about the night they won the 2018 France cup, everything unfold as it happened in their other...in their real life, but under the applause of their supporters and the golden confetti falling around them, they kiss.

It's one of the rare time his Julian initiates a kiss with such raw passion. Presnel is left breathless and almost dizzy from it and just before they're called to pose with the trophy, he wonders why Julian's smile seems strangely veiled to him, almost hollow. A part of him wants to dig, to understand what could possibly hinder Julian’s happiness. Yet, to do that, he would have to momentarily forget about how his entire body seems to tremble, almost transfigured by glee. Instead, he choses to ignore this little nagging voice and as he take Julian’s hand to run through the Parc des Princes field, he forget he ever saw anything else than pure happiness in Julian's eyes.

***

Their fantasies are sometime even simpler than reliving memories they already made. Sometime, they envision themselves doing nothing more than laying hours under the sheets of a house they never lived in.  
  
They entertain their fantasy about owning a pet : they create a dog, a crossed breed of Labrador and Pitbull that they call their own, Chidi. Loyal as dog can be, he accompany them no matter which adventures they dream about.

They fantasize about hugs lasting longer than usual when they change in the locker room after a match, about sleeping into each other arms during a plane ride to Barcelona with the club, about holding each other's hand freely and fearlessly for the world to see.

_They dream, they dream, they dream and they dream._

They dream about a life that can't be theirs.  
***  
But then, they start to make exceptions to the sole rule they have set themselves to respect.

Two times a weeks become three times a week because there's important match coming ahead, because they had an intense training session, because Presnel has felt a little bit under the weather recently or even because they just made love and didn't want to come back to the real world just yet.

The list of excuses goes on and on.

***

They are fishing in Doha when their little charade starts to crumbles at their feet. Chidi , their dog, sits patiently near them, waggling his tail. His Jules is sleeping loved up in his arm, resting his head on his abdomen when he begin to decipher a peculiar distant noise, almost like a murmur coming from the underwater.

As he lightly retraces Julian's sleepy form, he ignores it. He has more important things to do and that requires his entire attention, like trying to memorize the way his lover's skin seems to shine as bright as a star in the sun.

Like they always do in their dream, they lose track of time. It was both 5 minutes ago and 3 weeks ago that they decided to lay there.

Later, much later, as this strange murmurs hovers in the background, they decide to go explore the coral reef before letting themselves float away in the ocean.

His breath suddenly hitches.

_He just finally recognized this strange murmurs !_

It's the noise of France Inter, the radio he always listen to wake up.

Panics rises as he try to distinguish for how long they've stayed under, without waking up. Something here is blocking him from waking up, pulling him down like an impossible heavy weight.

“Julian ! Shit, we need to wake up asap ! My alarm has gone off for I don't know how long !” he said, voice high and frightened as he looked around slowly watching the pure color of the ocean wash away to nothing but black. The water surrounding them suddenly disappear and he's left lying on his back, surrounded by nothingness.

“I don't want to.” a quiet voice answered.

“What ? Julian fuck, where are you ?” Presnel frantically said as he turned around, his eyes finding only emptiness.

“Please, let's stay just a little more.” Julian finally appeared, inches before him, almost incredibly small and fragile.

There it is, the thing he avoided for too long : Julian himself. Beautiful, incredibly radiant Julian who now seems lost to this world.

Not prepared for this sight, Presnel does the only thing he can and wraps both of his arms around Julian's waist, hoping all his affection will enfold his lover, shielding him from the storm wrecking his mind.

Instead of trying to understand why Julian seems to run away from their real life, of asking questions he knows he won't be ready to listen to the answers, he murmurs sweet nothings into Julian's ear, reassuring him that it'll be alright, they'll resume dreaming after going through their day back in the real world.

Julian’s just going through a rough time after the loss against Manchester United. They'll get through it like they always do, together and soon enough, real life will have regained its shine. Every morning, they’ll wake up impatiently, ready to train, to live as enthusiastically as they always do. Everything will be good, even greater than it used to be. They just have to pull themselves together. That’s what Presnel repeats over and over in Julian’s arm, like a prayer.

***

The rare times Julian dreams without the help of the PASIV, he sees a place made just for them. A home where they are free to be Julian and Presnel. There, they don't feel like the stares of other people, even their closest friends are a potential treat to the fragile stability they've built between themselves.

He knows it's just a dream, a vision for something abstract that will never materialize in real life.

Presnel talks to him about this fantasy too. There's not a day where they don't reference this haven, where they exist freely. Unlike himself, his lover is convinced that this dream will be fullfilled. Julian wants to believe it too: he's tired of feeling so out of place, stuck in two worlds, yet having no home in either. He want to feel like he belongs, like he can still control his life.

So, despite the ever growing weariness that fogs his brain day after day, despite the constant battle raging through his mind, he'll try to carry on living normally. For his lover, for himself, for everything life promised and did not deliver.

He wishes this intention was enough.

He wishes it counted for anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I like my draxembe to be as self-destructive as possible :)


End file.
